Is the rest of the world growing up fast or am I just in slow motion?
Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about growing up. Yeah, that sounds really lame, but it’s true. In honor of winter break, I’ve been shopping quite a bit–funny thing is, every time I try on clothes, shoes, makeup, jewelry, I realize how being on the edge of teenagehood is a strange experience. Even in a department store, there’s an adult section, a junior section, and a kids section. I’m not exactly a junior, far past being a kid, but not yet an adult either. So if I try on clothes from the junior section, I look like I’ve outgrown it. When I try on clothes from the adult section, some look right, but some just give me the “mommy’s coat syndrome.” The fact that I’m petite size doesn’t really help either.
Then there’s makeup. Because my skin is super sensitive, I only wear makeup occasionally and minimally–and even that I’ve only started last year. Unlike some of my friends who have copious amounts of skin products and lip glosses, I own the bare minimum. And very unlike my friends who have the state-of-the-art makeup techniques, I’ve just mastered eye-lining a few months back. I wish I could experiment more, but between my mom’s hassles (she’s against makeup) and my sensitive skin, I guess I don’t have much choice.
It’s like I’m stuck in slow motion. Because everything is so tangible now: things that seemed so distant–clubbing, drinking, smoking–is quickly becoming a matter of choice rather than boundaries. And quite a few of my friends are dabbling, and I see nothing wrong in that. It’s just that I feel pretty lame when I turn down their offers, mostly because I feel awkward doing them myself. It’s weird because I’d do just about the same to get into a good show, especially if it’s a band I’m obsessed with. (But so far, there hasn’t been much need for that since most shows here are sub-par at best). So the rest of the world rages on, while I sit here typing in front of my mac, worrying about buying makeup and feeling insecure about not wanting to go clubbing. Fail.
Since when did everyone decide that they’d grow up so fast? The whole world’s on crack, with kids growing up at a dizzying speed and adults growing old even faster (well, on the inside at least). My aunts used to laugh at me for saying “old-soul”ish things when I was a kid, and I thought I was growing up too fast. All this makes me think I’m the slow one. Like I was supposed to go drinking before I even turned sixteen. It’s not just in TV or just my imagination. And even I’m just as same, just in a different way. The entire youth today are stuck in a rush-hour traffic to get ahead.
For what?
*Image via: Kat White
